I think the only thing i crave for is myself.
To be able to be yourself , just as you are it's beautifull . It's pure life manifesting through you, and man this is the only real thing in the world. You
I was loosing bits and bits of myself ,faster than i could count and i got tired clinging desperately on a shadow of the past .
It's like you are going somewhere ,where is no light ,you can't see anything /confusion/ but you can feel the weight of the pain of not being real. And you get to that place and all the sparkley stuff in your eyes dissapear and emptiness takes hold
But who am I really, what is that interest me, what is what brings me to life even if everything is dead . Well this is a hard one when you have no sense of self , and no one to truly understand you. It may look like the end of the road and now you are just cruising in a dusty all garage and theres no gas in the tank, no electricity in the batery ,wheels are flat out .and crushing as it seems , you finaly find yourself in the drivers seat , even tho the machine is broken and as it is won't take you anywhere. But in the driver seat nontheless and that is important, cuz you want to drive away and realise you have to fix everything in order to go, you can't have anyone help you...you have to change those old tires ,that old way of thinking, even tho its everything you held in your arms when driving to burnout got you.
So \once pain is gone, and self pity is at its full you have no choice but to change, or else you dissapear in the hurt .
I wonder now, am i really gone for good? Is there something of me still remaining that can grow into life again?
Has my voice been silenced for good , or am i just clearing my throat to speak the truth ?
I think time is running short ,and wasting it is such a murder, you are a murder of life everyday , living a lie , living an illusion of pain and loneliness. Don't be a murderer of your own time, you got everything else doing just that... killing your time when you can bring life into being.
Be alive, be warm : )